Shame Defined

The feeling of shame is that I am less than anyone else. This is one of a number of personal boundaries and is at the core of addiction and comes from our families, religions, extended families, neighbors, teachers, and coaches. In other words, all people whose job is to shape us into adults and productive members of society can evoke this curse in us in one way or another. 

Sadly, most people who experience shame simply pass on what they learned from past experiences with others, like parents, older siblings or peers. We grow up in a shame-based civilization. There can be "good shame," like not killing someone because it would make you feel bad about yourself. Toxic Shame is a reflection we inherited from those around us, and we carry around those messages because we were trying to form a sense of self. Reflections are how we do that, and when we are young and developing, we absorb what is reflected back to us. 

We often absorb our family's bad habits that get passed down from one generation to another, even though we did nothing to create it, it is simply part of the family legacy. To discover who we are, we must work through those downloaded beliefs to live our own life. 

It is possible to heal shame. Unspoken Boundaries - Seven Steps to Powerful Boundaries workshop explores how to heal with personal boundaries in many ways. Step Four addresses this subject most intensely.