Victimhood Defined

Everyone has been victimized, some much more so than others. How we respond to bad experiences defines us much more than our responses to good experiences.

Rahav Gabay and her colleagues define this tendency for interpersonal victimhood as “an ongoing feeling that the self is a victim, which is generalized across many kinds of relationships. As a result, victimization becomes a central part of the individual’s identity.” Those who have a perpetual victimhood mindset tend to have an “external locus of control”; they believe that one’s life is entirely under the control of forces outside one’s self, such as fate, luck or the mercy of other people.

In Facing the Truth of Your Life, Chapter 9 is called: The Victim Identity Disorder. We must address the causes and find solutions to classes of people being victimized and individuals. But to take on the identity and compete with others to be a bigger victim is life-killing. There is no win in being the biggest victim. It is a lose-lose.

Being a victim is often tied to toxic shame and complicates healing. Our families are usually the original source of being victimized. Schools, places of worship, sports, etc., any area where we strive to be seen and excel has the potential to not go well.

Part of growing up and being an adult is taking responsibility for healing, no matter the wound. Not fun and often not easy to do, but essential to make their way in the world.

It is possible to heal victimhood. Unspoken Boundaries - Seven Steps to Powerful Boundaries workshop explores how to heal with personal boundaries in many ways.